Where are the men in this community?
And how to heal from family secrets...
Mark your calendars for our first ever quarterly office hours with me, Sahaj, tomorrow/Thursday at 7pm ET - 8:15pm ET. Link will be sent out directly only to paid subscribers morning of! This is the first time I am offering this, and it's a quarterly 75 minute Zoom call for paid subscribers. Have feedback? Share it here! Have questions on our quarterly themes (change, love, and family secrets)? Ask them! Want to chit chat and meet others -- join!
We are looking to expand our conversation clubs and are looking for interested therapists who may want to help run some groups for Culturally Enough! Simply respond to this email with why you are interested and your credentials and give us some time to get back to you in the coming weeks!
Where are the men? The sons of immigrants?
I ask, because I am still looking for men to send in voice notes to be featured on my upcoming podcast.
This podcast focuses on challenging the stories we've been told about wellness and bridging gaps by infusing culture into these conversations. The podcast dives into the unspoken challenges of love, identity, and family, offering an unflinching look at what it means to exist between worlds. Through the first eight-part season, I'll be exploring topics like immigrant guilt, sex, cross cultural dating, duty, and more!
One of the things that is so important to me is that the podcast centers community voices, which means your stories, your voices, your questions answered. So far I have received HUNDREDS of voice notes but only a few from male voices.
If you are interested in sharing your story, you can respond to this email (all of you! but especially men please!), and I'll send you the PDF with the list of questions (on narcissism, estrangement, boundaries, family secrets, guilt, and more!) and how to send the voice note!
I am so excited and have been working on it for so long now, and the trailer launches NEXT WEEK!!! As paid subscribers you will get exclusive bonus and BTS content, too :)
Healing from family secrets
Throughout this month we have been talking about family secrets — what they are and how culture infuses them. But here’s the truth: sometimes our family members (or we) don’t want to say something out loud to avoid having to face it, or making it real. Denial feels like the answer and then we reinforce these harmful beliefs around not speaking up or protecting a loved one at the expense of our own mental health.
Here are five examples of some of you shared this month regarding family secrets:
Being the family secret keeper for a parent and being told not to tell your sibling who you also have a relationship with.
Keeping your queer identity secretive to protect oneself and not have to deal with repercussions from unsupportive parents or family.
Finding out biological relatives are not in fact biologically related; or discovering new biological relatives.
Having family history and ancestry be secretive because elders won’t talk about it with you — because they don’t want to relive it or they just are so forward/future-focused they don’t want to “dwell on it.”
Being told to keep secrets about family members in your family of origin — or those dynamics — from your spouse, even long after marriage.
It’s easy to blame yourself for things that were hidden from you, or for the way a family secret has impacted your life. But remember, healing is a process. Be kind to yourself, and recognize that it’s okay to have mixed emotions and take your time with the journey. Self-compassion helps in nurturing your emotional resilience as you work through the pain.
In the second episode of the podcast (out April 9), we will be diving into family secrets and their impact, and how to heal from them. Stay tuned!
*Disclaimer: Culturally Enough. is not therapy, a mental health service, nor is it a substitute for mental health services of any kind. I am not showing up in this space as your therapist — I am showing up here as a curiosity-driven writer, peer, and a human. If you are looking for therapy, please consult with your local mental health resources.
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