Want to learn how to build confidence? Read this.

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Confidence is not perfection! I repeat, confidence is not perfection. Confidence is trusting yourself to handle and do things — even if it leads to errors or mistakes. It’s knowing that difficulties are inevitable but believing that you have all the tools to manage what comes your way.

Maybe you don’t feel like you have the tools to handle something. This is where learning, educating yourself, asking for help, or figuring out ways to gain those tools can build your confidence.

Even more, confidence is a skill. It can be learned. So here are 15 tips, exercises and reflections to get you started (and 5 books you can turn to as resources):

1. Set realistic goals. It’s great to dream big but make sure you are not setting yourself up for failure by setting goals for yourself that are unattainable (i.e. perfectionism). By setting realistic goals — and even more, breaking your goals down into short-term and bite-sized ones — and tracking your completion of these, you can build confidence in yourself and your ability to keep reaching your goals.

2. Find a mentor. Reach out to someone you look up to, or respect, for support. Sure, there may always be people who are further along than you, but why not make relationships and connections with these people to learn from them? By doing so, you can get inside knowledge on their experience that can benefit and shape your own decisions and path.

3. If you don’t know anyone personally, read a book, listen to a podcast/interview, or watch a clip about someone who is doing or has been through what you are — or what you may be interested in doing. This is called vicarious learning and it can help you learn more about the experience — and lessons from it — without taking the risk yourself. This will shape your own confidence in following in a path if you choose to.

4. As I talked about the connection between people pleasing and confidence, it may be important to find safe relationships you can disappoint. By doing this, you actually gain tolerance for disappointing others, build confidence in saying no, setting boundaries, or self-advocating which can all increase your confidence in yourself.

5. JOURNAL REFLECTION: Think about who you were five years ago. What was important to you? What scared you? What do you remember feeling confident and not confident about? What have you learned since then? How have you grown? What about from ten years ago? What about from one year ago?

6. Practice reframing narratives. Remember the reframes I suggested earlier this month? If not, check them out here.

7. Do something you’re bad at. Yes, you read that right. By encouraging yourself to play, try a hobby, get out of your comfort zone, or do something you may be bad at, you remind yourself that there’s skill in learning new things. This will also increase your flexibility in life, strengthen creative thinking, and help you build confidence in yourself and whatever comes your way. A growth mindset > a fixed mindset. You are a person who evolves and grows and changes, and that’s awesome!

8. REFLECTION: Building confidence may require shedding parts of yourself that no longer serve you. You may actually betray yourself in small ways because you want to make others happy, you want to keep the peace, or you are scared of what will happen if you try. Reflect on how you may be self-sabotaging yourself.