15 reasons why you struggle with feeling confident

...and five reframes to help you through.

As a mental health professional, my work usually involves having the confidence in others that they don’t yet have in themselves. I notice that many folks will easily trust others or have faith in something bigger than themselves, and yet when it comes to their own sense of self many of them struggle to believe in their own capability and worthiness.

                                  Self-confidence is defined as “a feeling of trust in one's           
                                  abilities, qualities, and judgement.”

Confidence requires a sense of self-knowing, whereas so many of us tend to prioritize other-knowing. I see this pattern in the general second-generation community, where many are always looking for the adult in the room when YOU ARE THE ADULT. So many of us have internalized this mindset that someone else must know better. I know I have.

Here’s the thing: In order to build confidence, you must learn to trust yourself, and in order to learn how to trust yourself, you must be willing to get to know yourself. This feels countercultural for many because it involves making space and time for your own needs, values, feelings, and ideas when you may have been conditioned to put others first.

Your first instinct to my advice for you to make room and time for yourself may very well be — How selfish! But it’s not selfish at all. In fact, making more space for yourself only enhances how you show up in relationships, at work, and in your day-to-day life.

Now, let’s be clear: Confidence is not perfection! I repeat, you do not have to know it all or be perfect in order to claim ownership of feeling confident. Where arrogance is in acting extremely self-important, like you know everything, and even like you are superior to others, confidence is about recognizing your strengths and limitations.

Even more, being confident means trusting your judgment even when things go wrong, trusting your capability even when you make mistakes, and trusting your qualities and worthiness even when you experience rejection or failure.

But why is confidence such a tough feeling or trait to embody? Here are 15 various reasons you may struggle with confidence: