Peer support for your rage, hopelessness, and guilt

The world is hurting. Things are particularly difficult especially if you are trying to stay up to date with what is happening around the world, let alone your own home country while also trying to manage all the “normal” things of life — kids, work/school, surviving, etc.

I am hosting two *free* peer support groups for anyone in the diaspora who is struggling to navigate the current -- and many -- global and humanitarian crises and need a space to process, share, grieve, and be in community.

• The first one is tomorrow, January 23 at 12pm-1pm ET. Register here.

• The second one is Monday, January 29 at 7pm-8pm ET. Register here.

If you are in need of any inspiration, check out this clip of a lovely conversation I had with Hala Alyan about indoctrination and speaking up (and what we have to lose or gain by doing so). You can watch the whole clip to hear her expert advice on when to speak up and how to do so when it’s someone like a boss.

We’re all experiencing different levels of cognitive dissonance. But overall, I am hearing that many of you are feeling varying levels of hopelessness and guilt. Here are 5 research-backed ways to deal with this:

1. Pay attention to how you manage your guilt. When you feel a sense of guilt, how do you manage it? Are you uncomfortable by it and therefore ignore/turn away from it? Or are you able to lean in and pay attention to what it may be trying to tell you? Remember that guilt -- while not always rooted in fact -- is often an indication that we are not acting within our values. What can you do to let your guilt lead you to take action aligned with what is important/meaningful to you?

2. Name your feelings. Often, people who feel helpless, powerless, or guilty, get stuck in these emotions. But by noticing and then naming your emotions, you allow yourself to embrace the humanity of your experience. Then, you can take a moment to make decisions about what to do with them. In fact, one study even suggests that naming your emotions can make them feel less intence (UCLA, 2007).

3. Take action where you can. Many people who feel helpless or guilty, start to feel powerless. Then comes the thought spirals of “I am just one person!” or “What change can I actually impact here?” or “Who is going to listen to me?” If every single person thought this and then stopped acting, the world would be silent. Remember that you do have spheres of influence and those people/spaces have spheres of influence, and our voices, our power, our action have ripple effects.

4. Complete the stress cycle. When you are stressed, or facing stressors, your body will internalize it until it is released. If you have the privilege to do so, especially as you navigate a sense of guilt for being safe or living without fear right now, it is important to complete the stress cycle in order to sustainably continue to do this advocacy and activism work. Otherwise, you will get burned out, depleted, and even more stuck in your feelings -- because additional stress will compound on current/past stress. Completing the stress cycle can look like crying, laughing, physical activity, physical affection (like a hug), creativity, and deep breathing (Nagoski, 2019).

5. Lean into community care as a form of self care. Research has found that “ community values of loyalty regulate individual commitment, values of honor regulate norm compliance, and values of group hierarchy maintain a division of labor” (Akkus et al, 2017). While collectivism can get a bad rep, it’s important to note that collectivism and community are forms of self care! Lean into these value and ask yourself:

   • How can I lean and root into my shared humanity?

   • Where do I have personal agency within my community?

   • What is my role in a community?

   • Where am I of most use and help right now to causes and people I care about ?

What do you need right now? How can I be of support to you — through content or anything else that comes to mind. Reply to this email or comment!