I think an article on how a child of immigrants is often treated by those from their cultural community for not being XYZ enough or that what they do and say are offensive/that they’re not being honourable to/respectful of their elders, just for being themselves needs to be out there more. My mom once asked me to take down an Instagram post because I mentioned something she thought was inappropriate (it was a screenshot of a blog post). I don’t even remember which one it was, probably something about infertility…there’s also some things that are more minute, like when you go to a dinner party and you ask the host (a woman a generation older) about ingredients and she’s upset. She just says “good stuff” because she thinks you’re a “dumb Canadian/American/Whatever” and would be grossed out (because her kids are like that). You’re asking because you have allergies/sensitivities. I could go on.
We had a great discussion about this in the last convo club earlier this week! I’ll def be sharing about it especially when I cover “how community can actually hurt you”
I was never "desi" or "Indian" enough by both the larger brown community South Asian) and fellow American born/raised brown people. I just let it go these days. I will be 50 in a few years so maybe that is why I am letting these things go more.
When I was in high school, another CBC (Canadian Born Chinese) girl called me white-washed. I didn’t like Cantopop boy bands (they were cheesy. It was the 90s. I wasn’t too big on BSB either) or HK TV shows and celebs. I liked country music (unusual for white kids too since I’m from Toronto, not, say, Calgary) and Broadway. I wasn’t big on STEM classes like all the other Asian kids (many were kind of forced to take them anyway) and eventually majored in history and theatre in university. Some, I’m sure, LOVE STEM and finance classes but don’t you think something’s up when the school is 25-30% Asian but those classes are more like 66-80% Asian?
Cynthia - The thing that behooves me is when people in the South Asian American community (immigrants and US raised) belief that because you are from a specific community you are more or less likely to engage XYZ behavior (fill in the blanks). I have never understood why people think like that when at the core, human nature is essentially the same. I have seen South Asians commit all types of behavior, good, bad, criminal conduct, honorable - you name it. I try my best at this age to not attribute this being from a specific group.
Do you think it’s conditioning? My grandmother kept on telling me to focus on STEM because it was guaranteed work (really?) and that no one will hire someone of my background in other industries (even though her friend’s daughter was a lawyer). Well, you gotta break the barriers some time, right?
I am not sure. I was always an independent thinker and questioned everything. I realized by early adulthood the universality of the human experience. Time has only shown me that. Plenty of Indian women have told me about their cheating exes, or a family member that has substance abuse issues, or I knew of Indians in finances who got charged with insider trading and so on. So what makes my community think it is "exceptional" when it's own members have the same human weaknesses that are found anywhere else? It just does a good cover up job thinking affluence and education makes us immune.
I question a lot as well. And I’ve gotten in trouble for that, both at home and at school (I once asked a teacher at my Catholic elementary school why women couldn’t be priests. She said it was because God is a He and none of the Apostles were women. In other words #becausetradition). I’ve also been told that I talked too much/had too much input by professors and teaching assistants (including women) and more recently, been told to shut up in DEI seminars because my experiences were “too anecdotal” and implied that I was a self-centred b-word.
I love the example of what you said to your father. I can imagine those conversations feel so personal, so thank you for sharing it. It’s so helpful!
Also, I love those questions asking about our proximity and relationship to whiteness!
🧡
I think an article on how a child of immigrants is often treated by those from their cultural community for not being XYZ enough or that what they do and say are offensive/that they’re not being honourable to/respectful of their elders, just for being themselves needs to be out there more. My mom once asked me to take down an Instagram post because I mentioned something she thought was inappropriate (it was a screenshot of a blog post). I don’t even remember which one it was, probably something about infertility…there’s also some things that are more minute, like when you go to a dinner party and you ask the host (a woman a generation older) about ingredients and she’s upset. She just says “good stuff” because she thinks you’re a “dumb Canadian/American/Whatever” and would be grossed out (because her kids are like that). You’re asking because you have allergies/sensitivities. I could go on.
We had a great discussion about this in the last convo club earlier this week! I’ll def be sharing about it especially when I cover “how community can actually hurt you”
I was never "desi" or "Indian" enough by both the larger brown community South Asian) and fellow American born/raised brown people. I just let it go these days. I will be 50 in a few years so maybe that is why I am letting these things go more.
When I was in high school, another CBC (Canadian Born Chinese) girl called me white-washed. I didn’t like Cantopop boy bands (they were cheesy. It was the 90s. I wasn’t too big on BSB either) or HK TV shows and celebs. I liked country music (unusual for white kids too since I’m from Toronto, not, say, Calgary) and Broadway. I wasn’t big on STEM classes like all the other Asian kids (many were kind of forced to take them anyway) and eventually majored in history and theatre in university. Some, I’m sure, LOVE STEM and finance classes but don’t you think something’s up when the school is 25-30% Asian but those classes are more like 66-80% Asian?
Cynthia - The thing that behooves me is when people in the South Asian American community (immigrants and US raised) belief that because you are from a specific community you are more or less likely to engage XYZ behavior (fill in the blanks). I have never understood why people think like that when at the core, human nature is essentially the same. I have seen South Asians commit all types of behavior, good, bad, criminal conduct, honorable - you name it. I try my best at this age to not attribute this being from a specific group.
Do you think it’s conditioning? My grandmother kept on telling me to focus on STEM because it was guaranteed work (really?) and that no one will hire someone of my background in other industries (even though her friend’s daughter was a lawyer). Well, you gotta break the barriers some time, right?
I am not sure. I was always an independent thinker and questioned everything. I realized by early adulthood the universality of the human experience. Time has only shown me that. Plenty of Indian women have told me about their cheating exes, or a family member that has substance abuse issues, or I knew of Indians in finances who got charged with insider trading and so on. So what makes my community think it is "exceptional" when it's own members have the same human weaknesses that are found anywhere else? It just does a good cover up job thinking affluence and education makes us immune.
I question a lot as well. And I’ve gotten in trouble for that, both at home and at school (I once asked a teacher at my Catholic elementary school why women couldn’t be priests. She said it was because God is a He and none of the Apostles were women. In other words #becausetradition). I’ve also been told that I talked too much/had too much input by professors and teaching assistants (including women) and more recently, been told to shut up in DEI seminars because my experiences were “too anecdotal” and implied that I was a self-centred b-word.