January 2024 Recommendations and Resources
...A day late
This is a part of our monthly series where we will share a bunch of new recommendations and resources — some fun and playful and some more serious and focused on your growth. None of these are sponsored - just our favorite things we have been trying and loving.
If you want to be an active participant in growing this community, Brown Girl Therapy, and sharing offering ideas — don’t forget to reply to this with your email (only if you haven’t already shared it with me). I will be emailing about feedback support groups soon, and I have decided to giveaway 10 $25 gift cards for those who join these groups!
Also, must I remind you to pre-order my book :) It’s available now in TWELVE countries! You can buy it anywhere you like to buy your books, and pre-orders are so SO important for new authors and help them get on lists/and create buzz! And if you missed it, here’s a video of me reading a passage on guilt:
If you missed my mini podcast series in honor of my book, you can scroll down on my website and catch the recorded conversations!
How to Have a Difficult Conversation With An Immigrant Parent
My immigrant dad took me aside the other day to tell me he’s been restless because he doesn’t want me to lose work by posting things that are “inflammatory.” He said I should just focus on mental health, not politics. And here's how I responded:
I took a deep breath and told him:
“You came here in survival mode. You had to prove yourself to this country. You had to redo exams, you had to take what you could get, you couldn’t ask for more, and you were scared to rock the boat. All others saw in you were what you could provide & how you could be useful. No one cared that you were kind, generous, funny, and gentle because it didn’t matter. For fear of being rejected you had to push those incredible attributes aside and harden yourself for stability and security. You did what you had to do to protect yourself and take care of mom and us three kids. You have given me the privilege to move beyond survival. Even more, I am in a self-sufficient space where I can speak out when others may not be able to. I am rooted in my values. Values you taught me as a Sikh, as an immigrant, as a father. I root into my ancestry and history to have the strength to fight for what is right. I know it’s scary to you, and I know you don’t always understand. Mental health and politics are intertwined. I cannot be a good therapist or DEI educator if I am not also trauma informed and culturally inclusive. And this means integrating and speaking about the reality of our systems and the world we live in. I am not chasing success in the same way you are. I know you worry about me, but you have given me the privilege to seek alignment, liberation, and ease."
Other Recommendations and Resources
I loved this post on being a “problematic woman of color” because. it felt so validating to experiences I have had. Here are some prompts for unpacking your generational trauma. I loved this essay on cognitive flexibility and the power of changing your mind by Palestinian author Hala Alyan.
This month, I read a few books that I really enjoyed including When We Were Friends on big platonic love, Maame on the joy and struggle of paving your own way, and Roses, in theMouth of a Lion on growing up in a tight knit community and reconciling with what is important to you versus others.
In a playful recommendation, I have recently discovered and played and loved the game Sequence! If you’re into games, buy it!
And finally, some questions for you to consider:
Rooting for you,
Sahaj
I love the example of what you said to your father. I can imagine those conversations feel so personal, so thank you for sharing it. It’s so helpful!
Also, I love those questions asking about our proximity and relationship to whiteness!
I think an article on how a child of immigrants is often treated by those from their cultural community for not being XYZ enough or that what they do and say are offensive/that they’re not being honourable to/respectful of their elders, just for being themselves needs to be out there more. My mom once asked me to take down an Instagram post because I mentioned something she thought was inappropriate (it was a screenshot of a blog post). I don’t even remember which one it was, probably something about infertility…there’s also some things that are more minute, like when you go to a dinner party and you ask the host (a woman a generation older) about ingredients and she’s upset. She just says “good stuff” because she thinks you’re a “dumb Canadian/American/Whatever” and would be grossed out (because her kids are like that). You’re asking because you have allergies/sensitivities. I could go on.