Mark your calendars for May conversation clubs which will be held at May 6 at 8-9pm ET and May 20 at 8-9pm ET. Link will be sent day of to paid subscribers.
The giveaway is being extended! Leave a review on Apple and a comment on Spotify and enter to win a FULL year of a paid subscription to this community! (Details here)
In episode 3, we talked about intercultural and interfaith relationships. If you missed it, you can listen to the whole podcast episode here.
After, I asked you all on Instagram to send me your questions for my husband, because I wanted this bonus episode to be an exclusive conversation with him. We got over 150!!! But here are the ones we narrowed it down to 18 and get into things like:
How did you decide on what to call your in laws?
Do you get judgmental looks when walking in public?
How do you ensure both cultures are blended equitably?
Do you feel uncomfortable in family gatherings in either side?
What is the most difficult and best part of being in an intercultural relationship?
Does it ever feel too much for you, Sam, marrying someone from a very distinct culture with distinct cultural and family norms?
What would you say to someone who is dating or going to marry someone who is a child of immigrants?
What do you think Sahaj’s biggest challenges are in being with you?
How did you, Sahaj, navigate the “what will people say” in your family/culture?
It's hard knowing my partner can never fully understand my culture. How do you handle it, Sahaj?
How do you navigate loving your oppressor? How do you ground yourself when they do something ‘too white’?
Now, the whole bonus episode is only reserved for paid subscribers. Why?
This isn’t to gate keep the content, but there’s a few reasons:
Every time I talk about, write about, or post about my white husband I get so much hate and vitriol. I wish it weren’t true, but alas while I didn’t marry my husband because he’s white, others make assumptions about me and my relationship because he is. I wanted to have an honest conversation with him about his whiteness, about our relationship, and about our marriage — all private things I tend to not share publicly because I hold this relationship very closely and tenderly to my heart. So, with that said, if you are here as a paid subscriber, I imagine that you have been supporting this work and are genuinely curious to learn from, and hear, more about this part of my life in a respectful and kind manner.
I am intentional about offering a lot of my resources, expertise, and content for free or at accessible pricing — on social media, in the podcast, and the book, but it’s a lot of work and I appreciate those who can and are willing to offer reciprocity by being a paid member! It helps keep me going and able to sustainably offer this work in a myriad of ways (and helps me pay my team and maintain my business model).
Psst you can enter the giveaway for a YEAR subscription here
But I’ll leave you with this preview:
And this preview:
As an intercultural couples therapist, I also want to leave you with these 11 important conversations to have with your partner:
💬 How does your cultural background or family dynamics inform your communication style? How does inform the way you fight or your beliefs around conflict?
We don’t all communicate the same way and that’s okay! But sharing and learning about your communication styles and especially how this has been normed or taught from a familial or cultural lens is imperative to being able to connect deeper and fight fairly.
📏 What are some rules of engagement around your parents/family you think are important for me to know or understand?
Every family and culture has unspoken rules. In some, you shake hands. In others, you bow, bring a gift, don’t use first names for elders, or serve yourself last. Respect looks different in every culture and some topics may feel less appropriate to talk about. This question helps you avoid awkward (or offensive) moments. When you and your partner know what your respective families expect, you can guide your partner and and even buffer situations.
🙏 What are your religious or spiritual beliefs, and how do you practice them?
This is a great way to understand how religious and spiritual beliefs inform your partner’s values and what is important to them.
It can also shape how future children are raised if that is a possibility in your relationship. Even if someone doesn’t actively practice, their cultural relationship to religion can still influence their decisions and behaviors.
🍽️ What are your food preferences, restrictions, or cultural food traditions?
For many, food is tied to community, culture, and comfort. By learning more about certain food [references or restrictions, favorite dishes, and cooking as an act of love, you can learn a lot about your partner. This question is a way to build curiosity and experience each other’s family and cultural backgrounds.
🏠 What role does family play in your life, and how involved do you expect or want them to be in our lives / our family?
In some cultures, family is central and decisions are made together, elders are highly respected, and the whole village gets a say. In others, independence is the norm and moving out young, minimal family input, and personal space is sacred. This question helps you figure out where on that spectrum your partner sits, and it can help prevent clashing expectations later about visiting family, where you live, and familial input.
🙋🏽♂️ What cultural narratives have you been taught about gender and gender roles? How were these modeled – or not – in your family growing up? What are your present-day views?
Gender roles are deeply cultural and generational. In some cultures and families, men are the providers, decision-makers, and are emotionally reserved or women are the nurturers, homemakers, caretakers. In others, families and cultures push for equality and fluidity. What you saw growing up shapes what you expect and what’s “normal” to one person might feel oppressive or unfair to another. This uncovers those invisible scripts around gender you both hold, opening up a path to building your own shared dynamic.
💙 How are you/have you been shown love (or not!) by your parents or in your family? How does this impact what you might need from me to “show” I love you?
This isn’t just a question — it’s an invitation into the emotional blueprint your partner is carrying. We’ve all been shown love in different ways – and the impact is different. This question helps decode the emotional messages your partner grew up with, whether they were comforting or confusing or hurtful. Understanding this helps you love them in a way that actually lands and bridges the gap between intention and impact.
⭐️How has success been defined in your family? How is it informed by cultural values? Is there anything you’d like to change about this?
What’s considered “making it” in one culture might look completely different in another. Understanding this helps you see why your partner might chase certain things… or resist them. It exposes invisible pressure and these stories influence how people relate to time, money, risk, rest, and even you. It also helps you both talk about what success and freedom can look like in your partnership moving forward.
🍆What have you been taught about sex and pleasure? What ways might this impact our intimate relationship?
This isn’t just about the physical — it’s about shame, communication, freedom, power, and healing. In many cultures and families, sex is taboo — never discussed, often shamed, and sometimes only framed as something for reproduction or male pleasure. Others may normalize open talk about consent, exploration, and mutual satisfaction. This question helps you both understand what beliefs you’re carrying into the bedroom — consciously or not? This convo also opens the door to healing, trust, and choice — rather than following inherited scripts – helping you prevent miscommunication and build emotional safety
🗓️ What holidays or traditions are most meaningful to you, and why? How do you feel about celebrating XYZ with me?
This question is so much more than asking about calendars — it's asking about belonging, memory, and shared meaning. Especially for intercultural couples, this one creates space to blend, honor, and co-create. Understanding what a tradition means to your partner helps you meet them in a much deeper way. It lets you plan how to honor both cultures (without one overpowering the other).
💰What are cultural narratives around money, investing, and spending, that have informed and impacted your understanding of these?
Money beliefs are culturally inherited. Some are taught to save every cent, while others are taught to share generously. Some invest aggressively while others want to spend money on adventures.
This question helps you see what money scripts your partner is carrying — and whether they feel empowering or limiting. It reveals emotional relationships with money, and helps you design a financial partnership, not just coexist with different money styles.
*Disclaimer: Culturally Enough. is not therapy, a mental health service, nor is it a substitute for mental health services of any kind. I am not showing up in this space as your therapist — I am showing up here as a curiosity-driven writer, peer, and a human. If you are looking for therapy, please consult with your local mental health resources.
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