“What screws us up most in life is the picture in our head of how it’s supposed to be.” - Glennon Doyle
Have you ever felt like you weren’t “brown enough,” or “asian enough,” or “latinx enough”? Have you ever felt like there was a right, or wrong way to embody your ethnicity - but no matter how hard you tried, you couldn’t quite get it right?
I certainly have. Even though I grew up in Jersey, with a strong community of Indian-Americans - I have often found myself questioning, “Am I doing this right?”
The truth is - culture exists on a spectrum. The relationship we each have to our respective cultures is different. It exists on an individual level, rather than a blanket “good” or “bad.”
What if there were an infinite number of ways to embody the culture you come from? What if you replaced the gold standard in your head - with a beautiful spectrum of possibility? How would this change the way you see yourself, right now, in this moment, without needing to change a thing? What might you embrace, and what ideals might you let go of?
Sep 30, 2023·edited Oct 22, 2023Liked by Sahaj Kaur Kohli, MAEd, LGPC, Avani Patel
I remember watching a documentary about Chinese-Jamaican families living in New York City and I thought it was so cool hearing about how their cultures blended to create this "new" culture that never existed before.
Embracing a beautiful broad spectrum of possibility would mean not feeling guilty or anxious about losing language skills, and celebrating what makes me feel connected to my culture and ancestry. It means embracing that I have found a new path as a Vietnamese-American who has immigrated to Germany, and that I am pioneering this new wave of 2nd generation, Vietnamese people across the diaspora and creating something that has never existed before. :)
SO beautiful, thank you for sharing - especially this part: "I am pioneering this new wave..." I feel so much power in that language. Creating something that never existed before is brave work - and you're already doing it.
PS - I'm a sucker for documentaries!! Do you remember the name of it?
And as for the community that lives in NYC, I can't find it anymore sadly. It was about people who run Chinese-Jamaican restaurants in NYC and spoke about the fusion of these two cuisines. It was really interesting!!
I think, write and research about this in the context of multilingualism and have often used the term "multilingual enough" in a similar way to demonstrate that bilingualism and multilingualism is also on a spectrum. Of course language (or lack of proficiency) may play a pivotal role in how we think about being "culturally enough". There are so many ideals in language and we too often forget there are so many ways to language and embrace multilingualism, as well as culture. Look forward to reading and discussing more.
I love this call out, thank you for uplifting! Language being either a barrier or a bridge has come up in a few of our previous Conversation Clubs, too.
I've also been reflecting on body language as another part of this spectrum that goes beyond pure verbalization.
Thank you for sharing this - I love this idea! I have been doing a lot of unlearning throughout my life around the idea of there being only “one right definition of success,” and one correct pathway to it. It’s really liberating and healing to think about cultural identity as a spectrum of variation too!
Oh my gosh, "unlearning the definition of success" -- YES. Definitely feel this. Thank you for that.
It is wild how pulling at that thread can have so many ripple effects. For me, this has looked like the inquiry of: What else have I been clinging to as "the one right definition?" Where else in my life does this perfectionism show up?
To add to this Avani, what it means to be South Asian enough needs/should to be inclusive of those amongst us who are from multi-racial South Asian backgrounds (no matter what percentage it may be). There is a significant number of us intermarrying/partnering with non-South Asians and having kids who are of mixed heritage. I have met mixed race South Asians who identify strongly with their South Asianness and love this part of their identity and celebrate it as much as the other parts of themselves. For example, Miss Teen US 2023 (Umasofia Srivastava) is of Mexican-Indian descent from NJ, and she speaks Hindi, English, Spanish and French, and she volunteers for South Asian causes. I was so impressed how her parents (Indian dad, Mexican mom) have raised her to be equally proud of the heritage she has inherited. So beautiful!
Also I think first generation immigrants like our parents may have lived and raised us in homogenous enclaves where the majority was South Asians. Nothing wrong in this as they wanted to maintain the culture and live with people they felt most comfortable with. These enclaves (though I would not personally prefer to live in one now as a US raised South Asian) serve their own purposes. We may have been taught there is one specific way to be South Asian as per the religion, region, country of South Asia (as an example) we came from. There is a lot of rigidity in this and expectation to conform. But now as grown adults, we can define what South Asianness means to us, expand and embrace a new definition that is more inclusive and diverse!
I remember watching a documentary about Chinese-Jamaican families living in New York City and I thought it was so cool hearing about how their cultures blended to create this "new" culture that never existed before.
Embracing a beautiful broad spectrum of possibility would mean not feeling guilty or anxious about losing language skills, and celebrating what makes me feel connected to my culture and ancestry. It means embracing that I have found a new path as a Vietnamese-American who has immigrated to Germany, and that I am pioneering this new wave of 2nd generation, Vietnamese people across the diaspora and creating something that has never existed before. :)
SO beautiful, thank you for sharing - especially this part: "I am pioneering this new wave..." I feel so much power in that language. Creating something that never existed before is brave work - and you're already doing it.
PS - I'm a sucker for documentaries!! Do you remember the name of it?
Hi Avani! I'm sorry for the late reply here. I found the video that I was referring to about the history of Chinese-Jamaicans: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=6-k8WKmXdBI
And as for the community that lives in NYC, I can't find it anymore sadly. It was about people who run Chinese-Jamaican restaurants in NYC and spoke about the fusion of these two cuisines. It was really interesting!!
Amazing - thank you so much!!
I think, write and research about this in the context of multilingualism and have often used the term "multilingual enough" in a similar way to demonstrate that bilingualism and multilingualism is also on a spectrum. Of course language (or lack of proficiency) may play a pivotal role in how we think about being "culturally enough". There are so many ideals in language and we too often forget there are so many ways to language and embrace multilingualism, as well as culture. Look forward to reading and discussing more.
I love this call out, thank you for uplifting! Language being either a barrier or a bridge has come up in a few of our previous Conversation Clubs, too.
I've also been reflecting on body language as another part of this spectrum that goes beyond pure verbalization.
Thank you for sharing this - I love this idea! I have been doing a lot of unlearning throughout my life around the idea of there being only “one right definition of success,” and one correct pathway to it. It’s really liberating and healing to think about cultural identity as a spectrum of variation too!
Oh my gosh, "unlearning the definition of success" -- YES. Definitely feel this. Thank you for that.
It is wild how pulling at that thread can have so many ripple effects. For me, this has looked like the inquiry of: What else have I been clinging to as "the one right definition?" Where else in my life does this perfectionism show up?
To add to this Avani, what it means to be South Asian enough needs/should to be inclusive of those amongst us who are from multi-racial South Asian backgrounds (no matter what percentage it may be). There is a significant number of us intermarrying/partnering with non-South Asians and having kids who are of mixed heritage. I have met mixed race South Asians who identify strongly with their South Asianness and love this part of their identity and celebrate it as much as the other parts of themselves. For example, Miss Teen US 2023 (Umasofia Srivastava) is of Mexican-Indian descent from NJ, and she speaks Hindi, English, Spanish and French, and she volunteers for South Asian causes. I was so impressed how her parents (Indian dad, Mexican mom) have raised her to be equally proud of the heritage she has inherited. So beautiful!
Also I think first generation immigrants like our parents may have lived and raised us in homogenous enclaves where the majority was South Asians. Nothing wrong in this as they wanted to maintain the culture and live with people they felt most comfortable with. These enclaves (though I would not personally prefer to live in one now as a US raised South Asian) serve their own purposes. We may have been taught there is one specific way to be South Asian as per the religion, region, country of South Asia (as an example) we came from. There is a lot of rigidity in this and expectation to conform. But now as grown adults, we can define what South Asianness means to us, expand and embrace a new definition that is more inclusive and diverse!