Holiday tip #3: Stop correcting the narrative
Day 3 of 5 in a mini-series to help you navigate this holiday season.
A reminder: I am hosting a FREE community in NYC at Tera Mera in Brooklyn at 6-8pm on January 12, 2026. No tickets required, just join for community conversation, networking, storytelling, and dinner/food (which will be available for purchase).
Many of you are going into the holidays thinking about how you’ll clarify your choices, defend your boundaries, and correct the assumptions you know are coming about your lives, your values, your relationships, or who you’ve become.
You feel a good amount of pressure to make sure the story others have about you is the right one. But here’s the permission I want to offer this season: you don’t have to correct every narrative about you.
If you look at most children of immigrant resumes, you’ll see something none of us asked for: narrative control. I named my book But What Will People Say? because so many of us have been taught to worry — and stress — over how you’ll be perceived by others.
Of course, this was a survival mechanism for our elders and in a society where others’ opinions could be the determining factor for safety, stability, and security.
Many of us learned to:
Adjust our tone, words, or presence depending on the audience
Justify rest, distance, or difference
Preempt judgment by offering context
Make ourselves understandable at the expense of being at ease
Translate not just language, but intention
Smooth misunderstandings between cultures and generations
Explain ourselves to reduce conflict or judgment
Represent our families well to the outside world
Over the holidays, this narrative management can be intensified when you’re around community or extended family. Suddenly, you’re managing assumptions and judgment about why you live where you live, why you’re not married yet, whether you will have kids, why you’re doing something differently, and even why, oh why, do you need rest, boundaries, or space!
And it’s exhausting!
But many of us do not need to be in survival mode anymore. Sure, caring about what our loved ones think is not a bad thing; but caring about what every person thinks about us can be a Sisyphean task. It’s just not a reality no matter how hard you try. People will talk one way or the other so why not protect yourself where you can.
Here’s the reframe that can bring relief (but I know that it takes a long time to internalize it, for now — just remind yourself of this with self-compassion): You can be misinterpreted and at peace. You can be misunderstood and grounded in your choices.
Sometimes, the work is practicing discernment between who needs the whole truth, or even clarification/justification. This does not mean you are being dishonest; it means you are being honest with yourself about where and with who it’s actually safe to be more forthcoming. Not everyone needs to know everything.
Letting the narrative stand (ie the aunty who will gossip about your living situation, etc) means choosing where your energy goes. Here are some ways this can show up during the holidays:
Allowing a relative to hold an incomplete story about your life
Letting a comment pass without clarifying or defending
Responding briefly instead of elaborating (decide how much to share!)
Changing the subject without circling back
Physically removing yourself from conversations that require too much explanation
A simple question to ground you
When you feel the urge to correct, pause and ask: “Is this explanation for my peace — or for their comfort?” If it’s not serving you, you’re allowed to stop.
This is where tip #1 can be really helpful — just choose one moment to let misunderstanding exist can make the holidays feel lighter. And tip #2 can remind you to focus on what you do, not what you can say.
Peace doesn’t always come from being known. Sometimes it comes from no longer needing to be explained. This holiday season, you’re allowed to step out of the role of narrator, translator, and defender of your life.
You’re doing great!
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