The long distance friendship contract
And November Recommendations and Resources
In December, starting next week, we’ll be exploring the question: What do you owe your immigrant parents? Our fist conversation club is Tuesday, December 3 at 7pm ET for paid subscribers. Link will be sent that day to join!
It’s been two years of this community and I have loved every minute of it! I have loved writing these newsletters, and finding our rhythm with a monthly theme, 2x conversation clubs for community building, a monthly list of reads and watches, and a guided meditation. We have a book club coming your way next year and a few other things we are cooking. If you are paid or free, new or a longtime subscribers, please consider filling out this very brief 5 question survey to help me continue to develop this space for you.
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In trying to be better about connecting with community, I have two new methods I use with two best friends:
I recently discovered the Wednesday Waffle and now my bestie and I do this every week — send each other a 1-3 minute video to each other. I love how much I get to hear about the “mundane” and the day-to-day, and what is on her mind at that moment. It’s so much more authentic than the monthly catchup where we discuss high-level things happening in our lives, and the best part? It’s low maintenance.
Alternatively, my other good friend and I have a “long distance friendship” contract where we wrote down 12 things (in a shared note on our iphone) that we both wanted to be good about in maintaining our long distance friendship. We lived in the same neighborhood and deepened our friendship only for her to be moving halfway across the country. We both were so sad and worried that our momentum for being newer besties would wind down. So we made this contract. This included how often we will try to see and talk with each other every year, asynchronous bonding like reading the same book or watching the same show, and reminders of not only being generous with each other but being vulnerable when we want to lean on each other (something we both struggle to do as we don’t want to burden the other). We have a code word for when something feels more heavy and urgent that we text to each other and lets both of us know that we are going through something and may need some more attention in the following days. I love this because it felt like a buy in from both parties acknowledging how important we are to each other. Nothing in the contract is burdensome or a lot of work. Rather, it’s a way for us to let each other know: I love you. I’ll miss you. You will still be important to me.
I also found and loved these reminders on asking for care and support from your friends and community:
What I read and watched (and listened to) this month
For TV, I watched Man on The Inside and Shrinking and enjoyed both! I’m currently watching Sex Lives of College Girls season 3 and the newest season of British Bakeoff and Abbott Elementary.
For podcasts, I listened to The Retrievals and still have a few episodes left. Definitely a TW for infertility and IVF experiences. I’m also looking forward to listening to this podcast, Inheriting, about what we (AAPI) inherit from one historical event that a family member lived through.
And for books, I read and absolutely recommend:
Behind You Is The Sea — this book about Palestinian American families was phenomenal. It was unlike anything I’ve read and I won’t like — it was hard to read about some of the family (particularly father) losses.
Lula Dean’s Little Library of Banned Bookshop — I loved The Change and had high hopes for her next book, and Kristen Miller did not disappoint. This is such a timely, funny, and poignant read.
I Hope This Finds You Well — In this wildly funny and heartwarming office comedy, an admin worker accidentally gains access to her colleagues' private emails and DMs and decides to use this intel to save her job.
Guilt and Ginataan — I love this cozy mysteries series and it’s such a palette cleanser and easy binge, and the food and cultural aspects are such a fun bonus!
Two other articles and content I have found fascinating or helpful
This article breaking down Season Affective Disorder is enlightening for those of you who may struggle with this or are curious about what it is. I found this piece on NPR life kit about ‘stress resets’ — like singing your thoughts (love this so much!) — and soothing your mind in a moment of distress.
Looking ahead…
In December we are going to explore a few really difficult and pressing questions for many of us:
What do you owe your immigrant parents?
How do you measure your goodness as a child?
Stay tuned,
Sahaj