Shifting from scarcity mindset to abundance mindset

With 5 practical tips and 14 reframes.

Two years ago, I was approached to give a TED talk. After weeks of going back and forth with the folks organizing it, and even brainstorming ideas, I declined. I was terrified. Did I just make the stupidest mistake of my career? I mean, people dreaammmmmm of giving a TED talk.

Hut here’s the thing. I was really anxious during the process of talking through logistics with the TED team. Even more, when I got the email first recommending me and asking about my availability for the event, I wasn’t excited. I felt burdened. I felt this internalized and external expectation of what I should do. I should say yes. I felt it from my immigrant parents who told me this was a once in a lifetime opportunity. I should be excited.

I was honored, and I had to take time to reflect deeper about whether I was feeling burdened and annoyed about being asked because I was scared or because I didn’t have capacity. Ultimately, I decided it was the latter. After all, I was still in graduate school, seeing clients, starting my work on my book, and we were nine months into a pandemic that was draining us — individually and collectively.

After sending a kind yet firm email opting out, I felt nervous that I closed the door on an opportunity that would never come around again. (If only I knew #9 in the reframe list below at this time.)

One month later, I was asked by another member of TED to do a webinar for them on guilt. It was less of a commitment but it still felt like a sign from the universe that opportunities will come around in ways I can handle. It’s okay to say no.

I realized I had been battling scarcity mindset. I believed that if I said no, I was never going to get the chance again. I felt a sense of urgency. But here’s the thing, yes, it’s a privilege for many of us, and it’s necessary for things to unravel in the ways they are meant to. We shouldn’t have to force opportunities. We shouldn’t have to self-flagellate our way into doing things because we feel like we “should.” If I had done my TED talk, I likely wouldn’t have done it as well as I would have wanted.

Shifting from scarcity to abundance

I have talked about the ways scarcity mindset can manifest and how it can be reinforced from a cultural perspective. So what is the opposite of scarcity? It’s abundance. It’s giving ourselves permission to believe and trust in ourselves to make choices, to know what is best for us, and to be on our own path. It’s planting seeds for possibility — even in times of uncertainty and fear. It’s working toward gratitude, mindfulness, and positivity (but not to an extreme where it becomes toxic and minimizes our experiences).

Again: Scarcity is a real experience and mindset rooted in systems bigger that us. I don’t want to invalidate that AND I want to offer additional behaviors and mindsets we can learn to counteract the scarcity that we can control.

Here are 5 ways to shift from scarcity to abundance:

1. Practice celebrating others. Instead of thinking, “She’s smarter than me” or instantly feeling jealous, consider pausing and recognizing that person’s strength: “She worked so hard, I’m so happy she did well!”

   This might feel uncomfortable at first, but will help you separate others’ actions and achievements from your own. It can also help you recognize strengths, values and characteristics (beyond achievements) in others that are worth celebrating, allowing you to see these things in yourself, too.

2. Practice gratitude for what you do have and how far you have come. I really like to use Future.Me to write letters to future me about where I am and what I am dealing with. This allows me to see how far I have come or reflect on where I am still stuck. You can also handwrite yourself a letter and ask a friend or close loved one send you letters at a certain date if you’d prefer!