Learning how to identify our emotions

And understanding how culture impacts emotional expression!

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One really common theme that comes up in my work with immigrants and children of immigrants is how important it may feel to acquire language for our lived experiences and emotions. We co-construct our realties with those around us, so if you grew up in a household where there was limited emotional expression or feelings were grouped in buckets labeled “right/good” or “wrong/bad” then it makes sense that being in tune with ALL your emotions may feel uncomfortable.

Then add cultural layers to it, like the fact that some emotion words just don’t translate between languages we — or our loved ones — may speak. Expression of emotions can also look different depending on the cultural context; I discussed high context vs. low context cultures last week and if we explore that deeper, in a low-context culture, it may be more apt to talk directly about anger, sadness, or love, whereas in a high-context culture, it may be more apt to show through non-verbal cues these same emotions. This may be why it feels uncomfortable to say the words “I love you,” or why it may feel really difficult to have an honest and direct conversation about your disappointment or frustration in a relationship.

Instead, it may be easier to suppress emotions in order to keep the peace, or avoid conflict; even more, we have to consider what is normalized and accepted in our own cultures — family, heritage, and so on. For example, emotional expression with a peer may feel more authentic and appropriate than it is to express emotions with an elder, where you may feel more inclined to defer to them and therefore suppress your own emotions.

However, let’s be honest: Cultural expression may be percieved more as a Western thing, and for some, it may be seen as deviant and rebellious as it centers an individual rather than the relationship or group/family.

Also, the goal of emotional expression may vary depending on culture. Emotions that cause a positive experience are shown to change between cultures. For example, the positive emotions that “European Americans typically preferred [were] excitement and elation” while Chinese populations “preferred calm and relaxation more.”

According to a study done in 2007 by UCLA psychologists—that is often referred to throughout research today— verbalizing or naming feelings actually decreases activation in the part of our brain that can contribute to intense and negative feeling.

But what if you struggle to even identify your feelings?

This is very common!

Here are 8 tips and tools for identifying your feelings: