How to *actually* make a change in your life
Plus January Resources and Recos
Upcoming book club! We have had many volunteer community members come forward, eager to help maintain and sustain the Diaspora Reads book club. Our first book club for paid subscribers will be on February 24 at 9-10pm ET. We are reading Hijab Butch Blues. See you there! Link will be sent out day of.
Mark your calendars for the upcoming paid subscriber community conversations over Zoom: Feb 4th, Feb 18th — all at 6pm ET. Link to Zoom will be sent day of.
Tomorrow's the last day to join the newsletter community for a perpetual 15% off the current rate (which will be an even bigger discount when the price increases Feb 1). Here’s what to expect this year:
This newsletter community is where we have our community conversations on Zoom twice a month, a bimonthly book club, upcoming live office hours with me, discounts on community events, upcoming biweekly bonus episodes and content for my podcast, and weekly letters and deep dives with personal anecdotes, research and tips on a monthly theme -- all with culture infused into our care!
Culturally Enough has reached 10,000 members and I couldn’t be more grateful 🥹 I have so many exciting things in store for this little corner of the Internet. While you can (and will always) be able to join the Substack for free, I will be putting more time into the offers in the paid community as I am shifting more of my focus to this platform. If all of those things I listed above sound good, you should consider joining! Myself and my small team put so much time and energy in there already and I can’t wait to give even more!
What keeps you from making a change
This past month we talked about change. How you know you may be ready to make a change. The stages of change. And I want to explore the very honest things keeping you from making a change. These include:
It can be hard and require discipline that you haven’t developed
Making a change means making a commitment and decision before “feeling” ready, which is something many of us wait for
You experience self-doubt that you can handle or really make the change. Many people wait for confidence to make a change when the reality is that confidence happens after doing the hard thing (usually not before — that’s courage)
You may not be ready to take responsibility for the consequences of making a change
You are waiting for the “perfect” time to make the change rather than trusting yourself to adapt as you go. Start small and remember: you can pivot and change your mind!
You have a fear of change and having to rewrite old stories. Many of us struggle with these internalized beliefs of who we are (I’m sensitive, I’m needy, I’m not independent, I am not good at writing, I’ll always be overweight, I am just not a morning person, etc) and change means challenging these traits that we tie to our self-concept and trying something new or different to write a new story.
What to consider when deciding to make a change
Pick a behavior or something you want to change in your life and then consider the pros and cons of both making the change or not making the change. You can use what I use with therapy clients, which is the Decisional Balance worksheet. This helps you reflect on what your fears are for making a change.
Reflection questions:
What have you tried before?
What are you doing now that reinforces the behavior you want to change?
What has been barriers to being able to make the change?
What would support you or help you in making this change?
What's one small thing you can do today to work toward that change?
Your January Resources and Recs
Books I read this month:
📖A Court of Thorns and Roses, A Court of Mist and Fury by Sarah J. Maas — I received this series as a birthday gift and I am so glad I am nose diving into this world. I am really enjoying it as escapism and a healthy distraction when I need to self care. If you have been on the fence, I would definitely recommend! It did not take me long to get wrapped into the characters or follow the world building (something I am scared of when I think of reading fantasy).
📖 The Guilt Pill by Saumya Dave — I got my hands on an advance copy and this book poignantly and perfectly tackles guilt, workplace sexism, classism, race, immigrant guilt and family dynamics, friendship, marital struggles and reconnection, and motherhood. At its core, it’s about what women and mothers are responsible for, and what they shouldn’t have to be responsible for. Everyone will take something away from this, and as a non-mother, this book really opened my eyes for all the unseen labor and guilt my friends must experience as parents. The plot moves fast and you’ll stay up, like me, way past bedtime to learn out what happens. Highly recommend! Preorders matter!!!!
📖 The Island of Missing Trees by Elif Shafak - This book is clever and discusses identity, colonization, power, history, and our interconnectedness with each other, the lands we come from, and nature so beautifully. It’s a great book but one caveat, if you are hoping for plot development it’s likely not the right book for you.
🎧 I Might Be In Trouble by Daniel Aleman — A suspenseful dark comedy about a struggling writer who wakes up to find his date from the night before dead--and must then decide how far he's willing to go to spin the misadventure into his next big book. I enjoyed this as an audiobook and palate cleanser but wouldn’t necessarily recommend if someone asked me what to read next.
📱Rejection by Tony Tulathimutte — This is a collection of short stories, and if you read it for just the first two, do it. Those are bonkers and wild and such a fresh and in depth take on rejection, race, culture, gender, self-rejection, belongingness, and love. I didn’t read all the essays as I got this on my kindle and skipped through, but I think I did 5/7.
🎧 Local Woman Missing by Mary Kubica — This was a great palatte cleanser. I listened on audiobook and found it easy to follow. I was definitely surprised by the twist although annoyed at how unrealistic one of the plot points was.
Fascinating articles and topics:
This article about this therapist not being who she said she was… was fascinating and insane! I received a DM recently asking if I thought politics should have this much space in the therapy room, and here was my answer. I finished Shrinking on Apple TV and bawled my eyes out at the end of season 2. You can now buy ebooks on Bookshop! I’m doing a training for faculty in a counseling program next week and wanted to share this amazing research article I found on applying anti-oppression principles in our work as therapists, educators, and supervisors.