December Recommendations
An end-of-year wrap-up from Sahaj & Avani
I know everyone is saying this, but I truly can’t believe it’s the end of 2023. This marks one year of the newsletter! I hope you have loved this as much as I have! I’m excited to announce a few new things for paid subscribers in the first January post next week!
But here’s the thing: I am building out something that has never really existed for our community, and I need your help. I am running peer feedback groups in January and February, where I will pose a few questions about this community — and what your needs and wants are for this space. If you believe in this work, have benefited from it, and want to see it continue to grow — and want to be a part of that growth, please join! If you are interested, please just reply to this email and I’ll send more detail shortly!
As for recommendations and resources, we wanted to give you some things to reflect on as this year ends.
What three words would best describe your year?
S: Realizing, and in a lot of ways it was restorative and activating
A: Experimental, enlightening, exhilarating
What are three things you are grateful for this year?
S: The BGT and CE community who have wholeheartedly supported me through everything. Next year is a big year, and I couldn’t have done a lot of it without you. My safety and privileges that many others — especially those. in Gaza — don’t have. Past me who worked hard to get me to where I am.
A: My (physical, mental, emotional, spiritual) health, my supportive community of friends & family, my access to stability and peace.
What is something you learned/discovered about yourself this year?
S: That I will overthink so many things and this often takes away from being present. I have always known this but have been hyperaware of this especially this year. There’s always another race to run, another thing I could have done or said, but I want to just slow down (this will be a recurring theme thorugh these answers).
A: As a self-improvement junkie, I feel like I’m constantly learning about myself :) But if I had to pick one thing - I would say that this year taught me how important it is for me to work and live in community. As someone who loves the identity of “Miss Independent,” I realized that I’ve actually been wearing my independence as a shield. It was a survival skill that protected me for a long time, but this armor isn’t necessary anymore - and I’m ready to put it down.
I saw a lot of ways I’ve been subconsciously keeping folks at a distance (not asking for help when I need it, feeling fear around building new friendships, getting stuck in my head etc.). But despite this resistance - I learned that I actually thrive in community spaces, love co-motivation (even some healthy competition!), and truly am at homeostasis when my introvert time is balanced with the presence of people I love.
What is something you struggled with this year (and how did you overcome it)?
S: Rest. I kept trying to do everything or be everything to everyone. I would often overcommit to things weeks away only for that week to come, and for me to be a little upset with the past me who thought it was a good idea to fill my schedule so much. I slowly am learning to honor that I am shifting my energy into someone who needs more quiet and down time alone and at home rather than just being out and doing things all the time. I want to protect my time to read, to be horizontal, to watch tv, and to just enjoy my home with slower mornings and evenings.
A: When I look back on this year, I think I struggled the most with consistency. My personal pattern is: flash of motivation, follow-through for a few weeks, then fizzle out. Even with things that I am passionate about - I have a really hard time with sticking to a structure, or developing one that doesn’t feel suffocating (hello, recovery from Corporate America!)
While I don’t think I’ve “overcome” it - I have made huge progress by identifying this pattern I have, and coming up with ways to support myself through it. I’ve made a point of sharing what I’m working on with other people more often (rather than keeping it hidden away in a Google Doc), as a pseudo-obligation of “I’ve put it out there - I need to make it happen now.” I’ve committed to weekly co-working sessions, and have a plan to organize more of them in the new year. I’ve also really leaned in to Google Sheets, which is a massive jump from my previous, spreadsheet-hating self.
Something else that has helped me is reframing “discipline” as “devotion” to doing the things I love, and being willing to persist through the less glamorous parts that come with it. (I have a sneaking suspicion that “endurance” will be my word of the year for 2024…)
What is something you did this year that you will remember for the rest of your life?
S: My book is officially done this year. And I got my therapy license :)
A: This will always be the year that I chose sobriety.
For years, I was a “gray-area drinker.” Not quite an alcoholic, not someone who drank everyday, but definitely someone who struggled with moderation. Subconsciously, I used alcohol to numb difficult feelings (or keep the good ones going), and it was hard for me to feel confident that I wouldn’t lose control. Sometimes I would be totally fine, and others - I would go overboard.
Because I wasn’t an alcoholic in the traditional sense - quitting felt really difficult and somewhat unnecessary, even though deep down - I knew I had to do it.
February 18th 2023 will always hold a special place in my heart as one of the best decisions I’ve ever made, and I know I’ll remember it for the rest of my life. (And as someone that has gone almost a year without the booze - I also know how lonely it can feel. You’re not alone - and if you’d like to chat, I’d love to hear from you).
If you could go back in time and talk to your January 2023 self - what would you say?
S: I would tell her that her hard work is paying off. That this is the year, all the schooling and education, and time alone — feeling lonely — on my computer writing or creating content will culminate into a more stable practice, a license as a therapist, and a finished book. I am so grateful for a previous version of me who worked her butt off. I want 2023 Sahaj to have really enjoyed it, but instead, I think she often wondered what was next. I hope to be better in 2024.
A: Dear January 2023 Avani…Get ready for the plot twists! You claimed that this would be your “Golden Year” - and boy, was it. Just not in the ways that you expected.
You will know yourself better this year than even before. You will witness atrocities and pain you’ve never seen before. You will experience and manifest multiple things on your Mind Movie. You will outgrow some dreams, and envision brand new ones. You will deepen some relationships, and let other ones fall away.
It will be hard, confusing, joyful, unexpected - but you will ride the ups & downs with more confidence than you have before. You will handle it with both grace and clumsiness, and ultimately walk away with the wisdom that can only be born from lived experience. You will question pretty much everything (as you do) - and develop deep clarity on what you now know to be true. You will venture, discover, change, revert, and ultimately - learn how to come home to yourself, time and time again.
I love you, and I’m so proud of who you became this year. It’s just the beginning, boo! Keep going.
In what ways did you reconnect or question your cultural identity this year?
S: I went to India in the beginning of the year and I was able to see more of where my family is from, go to the Partition museum to learn more about my family history and go on a Sikh pilgrimage to learn more about my religious history. I have also tried to give myself less pressure to know everything, or feel shame for not, and instead being curious about learning more about where and who I come from.
A: This past summer, I went on a trip to Africa with my family to see where my mother spent her childhood. She was born in Tanzania, my father in Uganda, and it was the first time either of them had been back since Idi Amin’s coup had exiled all Asians from the continent.
Africa was a place I always knew I had roots in - but being there physically was truly surreal. I was able to envision my mother walking down the streets of Dar-Es-Salaam, dropping salted peanuts into Coke bottles and strolling down the coast, coming home to a crowded apartment (which luckily, we were able to walk through, too!).
The trip sparked long-forgotten stories that my parents shared with us, and gave me newfound perspective on how they used to live. Open-air dining with no frills and no rush, fresh fruit on dusty roads, the simple joys of having all of your people around you. I came away from the trip feeling so much more connected Tanzania, and with a newfound hunger to return.
How did you take care of yourself in 2023? What could you have done better here?
S: I have been running again, but instead. of focusing on how fast or how far I can go, I have been focused on a set amount of time to help me run longer and at a pace that is more breathable for me. I have been taking this energy into other parts of my life too. Like, instead of reading. what others expect of me, or what looks good, I have been reading what I want. Instead of trying to do more in less amount of time, I am slowing down, giving myself breathing room in my schedule, and delegating outside help where I can!
A: This year, I put a lot of focus on my physical health. I started 2024 with a back injury that brought me to tears more than once, and impacted my ability to do my all-time favorite thing: dance. I’ve had issues with my back for most of my life, but this year - I felt a newfound determination to heal it in a way that felt sustainable.
In the process, I’ve accidentally developed a morning stretching ritual that feels sacred. I’ve made a new weekly yoga routine with my husband. I’ve let myself look foolish in strength training classes for the sake of starting somewhere. I discovered the joy of (sometimes) cooking a healthy meal - and fueling my body from the inside out.
One thing I could have done better is (surprise surprise) - consistency. While I’ve gotten better at planning out meals, grocery shopping, etc. - there is still some work to do in that arena. So, if you have favorite recipes for delicious, healthy, easy meals - please slide into my DM’s stat! ;)
Recommendations and Resources:
Watch the first two episodes of my mini podcast series, But What Will People Say?, inspired by my upcoming book — oh yeah, please preorder it!
Arabs are having to question their place in the world. When parents tell their kids to work hard, they are sending the wrong message. Why you may feel loneliest around your family. How to talk about trauma with your family. Consider writing a letter to your future self. Only three percent of the bone marrow, Be the Match, registry is South Asian, so consider joining it to save lives! Check out our community members’ cool things: Anissa's blog and Helen’s short film!
Excited for 2024 and for what’s to come,
Sahaj, founder, and Avani, community leader
