Activity: Take stock of your friendships

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This week, I want to share why boundaries are important in friendships, some reflection questions for you to sit with, and one of my favorite exercises that I do with clients regarding taking stock of our relationships/friendships.

Boundaries in friendships

One myth about boundaries is that you need to be getting in conflict to set them. Nope! Boundaries are healthy parts of relationships (and self-love!), and they are really beneficial even in relationships where there may not be conflict or tension. This helps manage expectations, allows you to show up fully, and creates shared norms in your dynamics/communication.

When I started graduate school, I sent an email to a bunch of my friends about needing to preemptively manage expectations and repriortize my life temporarily. Here’s a part of that email:

“I place a lot of pressure on myself to do it all and do it all very well but I am giving myself permission to let things fall because I see no other way. None of this is an excuse to be a bad friend. It's me setting the intention to find a new way of incorporating our relationship into this new routine and graduate school journey I'm stillll undertaking. So please see this email as a reminder that I love you. That I care about our friendship. That I will be doing my best, and that I appreciate grace and patience as I burrow into another deep hole. 

Please don't take it personally if I am slow to respond to texts or calls, or can't make plans during certain times (or need to plan way in advance for catch-ups and hangs). I still want to know about your life happenings and want to be included in convos and plans. I will always try to be there for each of you while also trying to honor my own capacity as I stretch toward emotional, mental, personal, and professional limits I didn't know existed.”

In sending this email, I was able to manage my friends’ expectations of me, especially as my availability and capacity was changing drastically, but also because of this email, I actually ended up getting closer to friends who used this as an invitation to check in, take care of me, and show up without expectations for reciprocity during some hard time.

What are boundaries you could set that may benefit your friendships?