A personal update, what to expect in July and...
June's resources and reccs
Our first July conversation club is this Wednesday at 5:30pm ET. Link will be sent out day of. Check out the full July calendar below!
We are going to be launching a second cohort of Boldly Bicultural this Fall and applications will open in August only to those who sign up here
I’ve been having a really rough few months. First, at the end of March my husband tore his ACL and had to get surgery the first week of May. This required a lot of heavy caregiving on my part as we live together in a walk up apartment that is not accessible or easy for someone post-surgery and unable to bend their leg. Then, mid-June, I experienced an urgent, private medical issue that I am still being monitored for (I will be okay, but the process getting there has been physical and emotional and has totally disrupted my life and ability to work at 100%). And then in the midst of this my husband had his own family emergency to attend to out of town which he only just got back from. This is on top of everything happening in this country and world…
Right now, I can’t be more thankful for my own therapy — even when I don’t want to go. Recently, I was talking to my therapist about all the things I am going through and we’ve explored a few things I want to share with you:
You can’t put out fires and heal/process from the fire at the same time. The first is necessary, slow, guilt-ridden, and about survival and only after — if and when there is an after — can you really start the healing part.
Real community doesn’t need to be told to show up and they should be there for the good and the hard, not just the good.
Guilt is not a helpful emotion when it keeps you from acknowledging what you’re feeling feeling and what you really need.
It’s okay to not be the strong one right now. I am learning to let myself be held. Let something fall through the cracks. Let softness be part of my survival.
One thing I’ve been trying lately is asking myself daily, “What do I need today to feel just 10% more supported?” Not to fix everything but just to soften the edge. Sometimes the answer is silence. Other times, it’s texting a friend, canceling something, or just giving myself permission to do the bare minimum. And that just has to be enough.
If I’ve been slower to respond or show up lately — thank you for your patience. I’m reminding myself that rest is productive too, and I’m so grateful for the space to move at a human pace. And your messages and emails in reply to me asking for grace these past few weeks has really brought me to tears. I feel so supported and I hope you know — I love this work. I love doing this and being in this community with each of you.
Some reflection questions for you:
What have you been carrying silently that deserves to be named?
Where in your life are you tending fires and forgetting your own burns?
If guilt wasn’t in the way, what would you let yourself ask for?
July’s theme: Let’s talk about sex, sexual shame, and pleasure. Here’s the schedule of essays and events.
(Those with * next to them are for paid subscribers only)
Inspired by the latest episode of my podcast, we need to talk about sex.
July 9, Community Event*: Conversation club at 5:30pm-6:30pm ET led by Sahaj
July 11, Essay: The cultural scripts around sex I help my clients unlearn
July 16 Essay: How sexual shame actually shows up in our lives (these may actually surprise you)
July 21: Bonus Podcast Content*
July 28, Essay: How to decolonize your relationship with your body and pleasure
July 31, Community Event*: Conversation club at 8pm-9pm ET led by Sahaj
Paid subscribers: What questions or topics on this do you want me to address? Let me know in the comments!
Books I read in June (and in what format — audio, physical, kindle):
I have not been in the mood to read lately so these are the couple books I read with my thoughts:
🎧 Julie Chan is Dead by Liann Zhang: This book is fun but also bonkers and insane and unhinged? Not life-changing but definitely a palette cleanser.
🎧 Atmosphere by Taylor Jenkins Reid: I loved this book. I love Julia Whelan as a narrator and highly recommend listening to this on audio. I love Joan and Vanessa and Francis. This book is just so human, and full of passion and heart, and simply beautiful. I will admit I don’t love everything this author writes but this one was really great.
📱 Casualties of Truth by Lauren Francis-Sharma: Harrowing, thought provoking and a POV and history (South Africa in 1996) I don’t read enough about. Very quick page turner!
📖 Assassins Anonymous by Rob Hart: I will read anything S.A. Cosby recommends. This one is an action-packed, John Wick-inspired tale about a reformed hit man who is… tested.
What I’ve watched:
I have been watching A LOT of TV because being a blob is the only thing I’ve been allowed to do physically for the past few weeks. As such, enjoy all the deep corners of TV I got into:
FIFA Club World Cup: I love watching soccer, and I am particularly obsessed with Yassine Bounou (Bono), the Moroccon and Saudi Al Hilal goal keeper. So I have been obsessively watching the Club World Cup games on Dazn (a free app). The semifinals are this week and the finals are this weekend!
North of North (Netflix): I loved this Native American sitcom. The representation! The heart! The storyline! Definitely a cute watch.
The Royals (Netflix): This Bollywood inspired drama/romance is not great but it’s so good. Iykyk.
Traitors season 3 (Peacock) : Obsessed.
The Waterfront (Netflix): My parents came to visit for a few days to help take care of me and we watched this show together. It’s not something I would recommend, but it was all we could agree on (ha). In order to keep my dad entertained, the gore and masculinity and ego did it…
The Survivors (Netflix): Honestly, I had to look this up because I forgot what it was about…
Ginny and Georgia (season 1-2): Why did it take me so long to start this show?!! I love it! I am saving season 3 for my 14 hour plane ride this month!
And Just Like That (Max): I am embarrassed to admit I am watching this. SATC has a nostalgic soft spot in my heart, but this show is not good. and I can’t stop keeping up with it.
Started The Better Sister (Prime) but we both didn’t love the writing or feel all that moved by it so decided to stop after episode 3.
We started season 2 of Nine Perfect Strangers (Hulu). I loved the book and the first season so curious to see what happens, but it has a great cast!!
Fascinating articles and topics and resources and random reads:
I really appreciated this article on “how to get your silent dad to talk to you.” The tips are great. Here’s the article or the IG post. I am going to try this date bark recipe.
I started listening to the Empire podcast from the beginning and it is so fascinating. It’s about the rise and fall of empires, rulers, and the events that shaped world history — starting in India and the British empire. Also, don’t forget that season one of my podcast is complete. I can’t believe it and hope you enjoyed it! Please don’t forget to leave reviews and share. It’s an independent podcast so it really supports us being able to do more seasons!
A reminder we could all use:
I am so excited about this new advice column about friendship in Self magazine by someone I admire! I love these tips on adding more play to your life (something that I know feels pointless, but trust me, it’s not!). We watched The Materialists and I loved this interview with director Celine Song (who also directed Past Lives).
Also, is there a date for book club in August?
Sahaj, I'm so grateful that you shared your education from your own therapy...we all need to hear this too. You absolutely need to take care of yourself first as it is in doing that that you also teach us to do the same...by example. Enjoy the softness of your sofa as well as the support of your friends and family as you heal. Everything else will still be here when you are ready. Sending healing vibes....